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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23072608">A Court of Rage and Redemption</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LMFawkes/pseuds/LMFawkes'>LMFawkes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas, Fantas, Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:27:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,080</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23072608</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LMFawkes/pseuds/LMFawkes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The war is over and Nesta is completely shutting down in order to protect herself from the enormous amount of guilt and fear that threatens to consume her. Will Cassian be able to reach her before it's too late? If her mate can't save her, can anyone?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azriel &amp; Cassian &amp; Rhysand (ACoTaR), Cassian (ACoTaR) &amp; Original Character(s), Elain Archeron &amp; Nesta Archeron, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron &amp; Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Other(s), Rhysand (ACoTaR) &amp; Original Character(s), nesta - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prelude</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Prelude<br/>
Nesta</p><p>She could still smell him. Not the male currently on top of her thrusting away. No, not him, but the Ilyrian warrior who was here earlier. The one whose very wings rustling could both infuriate her and make her dampen. At the thought of those wings she rolled over atop the stranger in her bed. He reached for her but one look had him lowering his hands to the bed. She spread her legs wider and lowered a hand of her own. Closing her eyes she thought of hazel eyes leaning towards her. She invisoned a muscled chest and Ilyrian wings. "There are other ways I could play nice, Nesta Archeron". Remembering those words sent her into a frenzy. She didn't make a sound but she rode the male faster, working her hand where it was wettest. Lost in her vision she didn't object when the male began stroking her breasts. She thought of Cassian's strong, smirking, smartass mouth and how it would feel to have it replace her hand and she exploded. She kept moving on the male beneath her until she stopped shuddering. Clenching tightly as she gave a final stroke, the male came as well. Nesta lifted her slim body off of him and said "Get out". </p><p>Nesta Archeron wasn't the human that she once was. These lands, Hybern, and the war had made sure of that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Nesta</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nesta stared at the tiny wood carved ship in her hand. Her father's ship. Her ship. A tiny replica of The Nesta. Her father had named his largest and most imposing ship after her and sailed it at the head of his fleet. Had sailed it into war to save her..in order to save them all. </p><p>Nesta had hated him for so long. Since before her mother died, before she watched him slowly change from The Prince of Merchants, a wealthy and respected man, into a scared, weak and crippled pauper who would have let them starve to death. She had fed that hate as Feyre stepped up to hunt in those terrible woods and keep them all fed, and her father sat by the fire and carved his little toys. Nesta was the only one who knew that it wasn't just weakness that prevented her father from taking care of them. It was grief. It was regret....it was guilt. Her mother had died, and her father blamed himself. Just as Nesta blamed him.<br/>
Her mother had valued the opinions of others above all else. She wanted to have the best estate, the best staff, the best parties, and the most perfect family. She adored her husband and did everything to please him. The affection that she showed her children was mild at best but she showered her husband with love....until a rumor began in the village. Soon, the staff began to whisper and stop conversations when Lady Archeron entered a room. There was tale of a golden haired shopkeeper on the continent and how he was smitten. Nesta was hiding in a shadowed corner of her mother's chambers when her father was confronted. When her mother began to cry he confessed. He begged for forgiveness, claiming the other woman must have been a sorceress to turn his head, but the damage was done. Lady Archeron turned cold, she refused to leave the estate, and soon she fell ill. The doctor said there may be medicine on the continent to help her but Nesta's father refused to return there. He refused to face what he had done in order to give her a chance at living and for that Nesta felt a burning anger flame deep within her. In the end he didnt even try to save her. Her father did nothing but give up and her mother died. Her father's ships were destroyed in a terrible storm soon after and then the debtors came. Through it all her father did nothing but mourn. They lost their estate, their social status, and almost their lives. The flame of her anger grew and Nesta Archeron became very good at pushing people away. Years passed and Nesta had held on to that smoldering ember and wrapped herself in a steely armor. If she couldn't feel, then she couldn't be hurt. Nesta shook her head to clear the memories that threatened to engulf her She looked down once more at the ship in her hands and as one tear slid silently down her beautiful, but gaunt face, she closed her eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for your support and feedback. :) The next chapter is coming soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Cassian</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He wanted to hit something, fight someone, throw HER in the Gods dammed Sidra. Of all the women he had ever known, why this one? She did nothing but infuriate him. She either insulted him or ignored him completely. She was cold and condescending and a complete pain in his ass and everyone else's. She had chosen to hide herself from all of them. She kept pulling further and further away. Just yesterday she had kicked him out with a snarl. So why was he flying back towards her tiny apartment near the river? </p><p>She had looked so thin again. It meant she wasn't sleeping. He knew she had nightmares that she wouldnt talk about. The last time he tried to, she threatened to separate him from his favorite body part. Nesta. He felt a chill down his wings, the way he always did when he heard her name. The way he had the very first time he ever saw her. At first, Cassian assumed it was because of her staggering beauty, and that gorgeous chest of hers, but her biting words to her sister Feyre had changed that. As he watched her that first day he realized that every harsh word, every stiffening of her spine, the coldness...he could see past it all. He knew he was the only one who truly could. She was protecting herself from things none of them had even begun to understand. Cassian wanted to understand. Well, most of the time he wanted to shake her silly, but he also wanted to help. He made her a promise once. He promised to fight for her and for everything and everyone she loved. He had failed her more times than naught but he was going to keep that promise no matter what it cost him. He remembered the feeling of her body on top of his, her tears against his cheek as she readed herself to die, shielding his injured body from the King of Hybern. Cassian knew he would never give up on her. He couldn't. As he reached the river side he landed on the street, fixed his face into a mask of neutrality, and strode towards her apartment.</p><p>"Go away bat" she said through the door before he could even knock.<br/>
"Aww, you waiting to welcome me Nes?"<br/>
"Don't call me that", she growled. "I can smell you from a mile away."<br/>
"Power and sex appeal?"<br/>
"No, wet dog".<br/>
Cassian grinned and knocked on the door loudly. This was going to be fun.<br/>
He heard her angrily unlocking all the locks on her apartment door. She claimed they were to keep them out but he knew it wasn't just her family she was trying to get away from. It was the memories of Hybern...of the cauldron.<br/>Of the things her father said and the way he looked when he died. 
Nesta flung the door open and managed to look down her nose at him even though he towered over her. "Why" she said unquestioningly. "Why? He asked. "Why is grass green? Why is the sky blue? Why am I so devastatingly handsome?" He grinned and posed.<br/>
"Why are you here?" she answered as she turned from the door and walked across the room. She stopped at a small bar and began to pour liquid into a glass."Well besides the fact that Feyre told me to fetch you for breakfast" he said looking pointedly at her glass, "I thought you would want to stop at the library and see the priestesses".<br/>
"I don't want to go with you". It stung even as he knew it was coming. She walked across the room to the window where she stared out across the river. She looked so frail despite her icy exterior. He couldn't help himself. He crossed the room in two strides until he was beside her looking down at her face. Nesta looked up at met his eyes as he reached over and clasped her small hand in his own. She stiffened and then relaxed slightly as he felt her warm fingers fold into his own. She opened her mouth to speak, and afraid of what she might say, he winnowed them to the entrance of the library never taking his eyes off her face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Nesta</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She wanted to snatch her hand away from his the moment that their fingers touched. She had tried to form a biting response, to tell him not to touch her, but she couldn't. He had been too close. His heart was beating too fast, and for a moment she had let her fingers wrap around his. She had taken one step closer, looked up into his eyes just as he winnowed them away. Nesta had no weaknesses save for one. The Ilyrian warrior who had challenged her since the moment they met. She knew Cassian wanted her. She knew that what he felt, what he tried to hide from her and everyone else was much more than a physical need. If she was honest with herself, she felt it too. But she was never honest with herself. Honesty, feelings...love.. those were emotions she couldn't afford. Emotions made you vulnerable, and Nesta Archeron would never be vulnerable again. </p>
<p>Her feet were moving away from Cassian the second they arrived at the library. She didn't look at him again, she didn't wait for him to utter a single word. Spine straight, head back she strode into the library where she was embraced in joy by Clotho, her friend, and one of the library's priestesses. Telling Clotho about the most recent book she had read, Nesta dismissed all thoughts of the male she left standing behind. </p>
<p>The library visit had been much needed. Nesta had even made the long, winding trip down to the bottom floor to spend some time talking to Bryaxis. Now that he had been returned to his home, his bargain with Feyre needed to be fufilled. The others were uncomfortable spending time telling him stories, and Cassian had downright refused, but Nesta was calmed by his enveloping presence. She had lived her worst nightmares already. Bryaxis was nothing more than smoke and whispers; and an easy companion. <br/>Cassian had been waiting when she was ready to leave. He didn't meet her eyes as he reached for her arm to take them to the estate. They hadn't made it to Feyre's for breakfast, but they did arrive in time for lunch. Lunch had been a waste of time. Cassian had snapped at Amren, Amren had snapped at Feyre, and Feyre had taken it out on Nesta. Nesta had spoken to none of them, which didn't help anyone's mood and the uncomfortable silence had stretched until the plates were cleared. Cassian flew away before anyone could ask him to take Nesta home, so she had been forced to endure Azriels cold shadows on the return trip. Luckily for both of them, neither wanted a conversation and so Nesta arrived back at her apartment building without having to make pleasantries. Azriel gave her a mod of farewell and then she was alone. <br/>Nesta liked being alone. It was the best way she told herself. It was wholly unnecessary to think of Elain's beautiful smile, Amren's low chuckle, Feyre's bold teasing and...Casssian's eyes. Those laughing eyes. Full of joy when he looked at Rhys, at Azriel, at Morrigan. Nesta issued a low growl at the thought of Mor and Cassian laughing together but then pushed it aside. It wasn't her concern. She crossed the sitting area to the bar and poured herself a drink. When Cassian looked at Nesta his eyes weren't filled with joy, but something else. Something like longing, like hunger..like pain. She downed the drink and stood. Before she let another thought cross her mind she headed for the bathing room and turned on the shower. She knew exactly where she needed to go to make it all disappear.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! Your feedback is appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I will be posting full chapters as I can. As always your thoughts and support are welcome.<br/>*"I have no regrets in my life, but this. That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta. I will find you in the next world - the next life. And we will have that time. I promise."*</p></blockquote></div></div>
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